A: I am puzzled that you have recently become engaged to your girlfriend when you show such an ambivalent attitude towards your relationship. Are you trying (in an indirect way) to let your fiancée know that you are not happy by flirting with other women in her presence?

You need to talk through this problem together - it won’t go away by magic. If it is not seriously addressed before you get married it is highly likely that you will stray and that you may justify your behavior by saying that it’s your partner’s fault. A caring respectful approach is very important when talking with her about this matter. How much does your fiancée’s attitude towards sex have to do with her past experiences or her own family's attitudes towards sexual issues? Has she been sexually abused? All these factors can contribute to someone feeling uncomfortable in an intimate relationship.

On the other hand, what do you consider to be a 'Victorian' attitude towards sex? If you press your partner to engage in sexual activities which she is uncomfortable with then she may become more unwilling to have sex and it certainly won’t be a good experience for her.

Be more direct in letting her know your concerns, be caring and willing to help her to experiment a little. Suggest reading some books on sexual techniques together or watch some videos on sex - educationally orientated rather pornographic. Go at her pace, not yours. If this doesn’t seem to be working, make an appointment to see a sex therapist together. A fulfilling sexual relationship is an important component of a happy marriage.

Good Luck!