A: You and your husband need to sit down and talk about several issues. I would suggest that seeing a relationship counselor would be of great value - the issues for both of you are likely to bring up a great deal of emotions.

Your husband is probably feeling sad, worthless and with little self-esteem because of his job loss. He is feeling vulnerable and may have been looking for a way to bolster his sense of self-worth. One way in which to do this is to enter into a 'pseudo-relationship' with an anonymous woman.

The Net is a wonderful invention but it can be used in unhelpful ways. We can describe ourselves as the most successful, talented, beautiful and sexy people to others thousands of miles away. Shared information, whether true or false, equals shared intimacy for some, as they imagine that they have developed a close and meaningful relationship with a person they have never met. It can be exciting, novel and arousing to engage in sexual banter with this new partner. If challenged, they will answer that it is harmless fun as they do not plan to meet their cyber-date. However, this sort of behavior does adversely affect a marriage / committed relationship. An affair can be emotional as well as physical / sexual. Anything that impacts negatively on the primary relationship taking energy away from it is a threat. All the time your husband is spending with this other woman is time spent away from the relationship with you. His energy is focused outside the marriage. VERY DANGEROUS! No wonder you feel betrayed and angry. Your beliefs about sexual behavior within a monogamous relationship have been violated. How would he feel if it was you who was engaging in this type of activity? Would he be relaxed about it or jealous? It is not unusual to hear about people who have decided to meet up with their cyber-sex partners with disastrous consequences! Act quickly to help your husband stop this behavior. The Net can become very addictive very quickly.

Good Luck!